It’s no secret. Mother’s Day is a difficult day for me.
I’ve no biological children of my own, despite my efforts of trying and miscarrying multiple times. My mother was a piece of crap. It’s all just a hot mess.
It’s tough. I don’t get to spend time with my step kids, which is fine, but it can still be frustrating because I’m still a mom to them. Thankfully they still show their appreciation on days surrounding, but still. The husband asked the oldest kid if he wanted to do anything for mother’s day. My understanding is he was over the moon about it, and requested to pick out flowers and a card for me. He took the squirt to our tiny neighborhood co-op store since we know there’s barely any foot traffic there. They picked out a bouquet of lilies that smell divine. Oh and my favorite chocolate! They didn’t have cards, but he enlisted the help of his sister and they gave me hand made ones. When they were done, they galavanted around the house with the cards behind their backs, prepping the perfect scenario to give them to me. They were so proud of their creations. I was showered in kisses and hugs, then blessed with the biggest group hug ever. This is love.
And bless my husband’s heart, he shows infinite appreciation for being there for him and his children as well. And thankfully, he helps me keep my shit together during this.
This year I was a little extra salty because I’ve been thinking of my own mother. I get mad because she doesn’t really deserve the sentiment. Mother’s day reminds me of years of abuse and neglect. I guess I’m also a tad jealous of those around me celebrating their mothers, when mine didn’t give me anything to really celebrate, outside of life itself.
Thankfully I do have a great mom in my life. My own stepmother is in a similar boat to me: no kids of her own, not much of a relationship with her mother. I made sure to call her and send cards. And made sure that she knew that, despite what my father says when he’s being an asshole of metric proportions, she’s my mom. Period.
Here’s to hoping that time will heal all. That maybe next year I won’t be as stressed about everything and can fully enjoy Mother’s Day. I try my best to stay positive and thankful, but sometimes its tough.