I find myself mildly disgruntled. Things have been a little chaotic at work. I dislike not having my expectations defined, then feeling like it’s somewhat my fault when things don’t go as expected. It’s frustrating when things that are discussed don’t have any follow-through. Well. To be quite frank, it pisses me off.
The overtime I got over the Christmas season was supposed to be banked up and paid out weekly in the new year. Well, the new year has come, and instead it’s supposed to be taken as paid time off. Add that to the 3 weeks of vacation time that’s standard in this province, I’m struggling to find the time to to take over 6 weeks off from work when there isn’t really anyone else to cover the office. I was supposed to get a different pay rate for working on a particular project. That didn’t happen. And now I’m being asked to work on another project that I was actually pretty excited about, but the pay for it is significantly lower than I anticipated, but at least it’ll give me an idea of if I’d maybe like to do some freelance work in the future.
But I kinda wonder if doing freelance work is even worth it at this point? Things like setting up WordPress and creating new websites for people. If it’s for a small business, for another freelancer, or for a personal site, it’s not really worth doing I don’t think. There are already SO many pre-built options that are available to be customized with ease. And is it worth it to deal with a major project and larger businesses? Especially since I’m self taught? Ugh. I don’t know.
I’ve been keeping an eye out for more stable opportunities. I really worry about the longevity of my position and how well the company I’m currently with is going to do long term. It’s been in business for about a decade, but it’s struggling. And by struggling, I mean its suffocating. Some of the numbers look good on paper, but once you factor in the expenses (many of which aren’t necessary expenses either,) I wonder how it’ll stay afloat long term. But the job market here sucks if you’re not someone with a degree or in a particular trade. And aside from my 2 year degree in pretty much nothing, I’m neither of those.
It’s also frustrating because I’m not good at any one particular thing. I know just enough about everything to get me through anything, but I’m not really a master of any one particular skill. Aside from being organized. You can not match me in organizational skills. I’ve contemplated maybe going back to school, but that is a thought that absolutely pains me as I’m getting closer to my mid-thirties. Unless I went for accounting maybe? I don’t know.
Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I just feel like I’m in limbo professionally and it’s incredibly frustrating.